Wednesday, January 07, 2009

LB'S: THE NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION SONG



I'm off to Vermont to write for a month and to work off some of the Christmas cheer and to play my 12 string and here's a little ditty I wrote to help me out with my New Year's Resolution (and no... the picture above is not quite me.....)
BW3

LB'S

It's sweepin' cross America
The plague of pulchritude
It's gripped the country's midrift
The bare facts are quite rude,
We've put on pounds around our waist
That we cannot divest
And when we were not lookin'
We got a sunkin' chest.

CHORUS (ala Beatles)
Boy, you gotta carry that weight,
Carry that weight a long time,
Girl you gotta carry that weight
Carry that weight for all time.

Sometimes they say Dunlop's disease
Is what we call it now,
When your spare tire hangs out that far
Don't need a belt no how
My waist has wasted more and more
Can't see the scales today
And while my jeans burst at the seams
I've got the guts to say....

CHORUS

They say its love handles
Or 'your full figured now'
Or 'your pleasingly plump'
Or 'you've filled out somehow'
Butt its a weighty matter
When you can't wear your shorts
Your navel's horizontal
And you feel out of sorts...

CHORUS

You know that old phrase middle aged
It's when your middle did
And as for all those thunder thighs
Who are you tryin' to kid
When you keep on bingin
On fast and fatty treats
You just end up becomin'
Exactly what you eat.

CHORUS

I'm now an ole weight watcher
Got it right out in front
But I can't see my toes no mo'
To be quite honest and too blunt
It's best to count the calories
Before they count you out
There may be more of you to love
But less is more no doubt.

CHORUS

God bless ole Richard Simmons
And Mr. Atkins too
Their tryin to help us avoid
The question---'when's it due?'
Ten seconds on the lips ain't worth
The cost you're gonna pay
Ten years on your hips
Will never go away.

CHORUS

Resolve yourself this season
To be like John Baptiste
Who fasted in the desert
And said he must decrease
This is a game where losers win
And winners never cheat
And so in 2000 and Nine
PLEASE WATCH JUST WHAT YOU EAT.

Chorus

5 comments:

karin said...

Loved it ~ as I sat here eating my dessert! Loved the plague of pulchritude!! Fun to read and so true! Apparently it's not what we eat between Christmas and New Year but rather what we pack away between New Year and Christmas that's the problem!

Ben Witherington said...

Thanks for weighing in Karin :)

BW3

Mal said...

Are you SURE you mean pulchritude? Or is my irony detector threshold set too low?

ConfesSword said...

But...but...fast food doesn't make us fast!!

:D

preacherman said...

Ben,
Thank you brother for sharing this great song with us. I really needed a great laugh. I have suffered with deep depression this past week and needed your post. I want you to know brother that your blog is such a source of encouragement to my life. I am strengthened in my faith and relationship with God as I read your thoughts for us as believers. I want you to know that you, your family and ministry are always in my prayers. I pray God's richest blessings in your life during this up-comming year. Thank you for making such a Kingdom difference for all believers, of all faiths, of all denominations. May you be strengthened in the Spirit as I have brother.