Friday, May 18, 2007

Where's Your Bath-- Sheba?

There once was a man named Uriah
Whose wife would not sit tight
On the roof her bath was visible
Especially in daylight

It came to the king's attention
Who found it quite a sight
So he summoned her to his palace
To have a special night

This led to the inevitable
This Sheba was a delight
But the consequences became quite visible
So David flexed his royal might

He sent her husband into battle
For he was a fierce Hittite
And told his boys "stand back"
So the dust he would soon bite

He thought he'd solved the problem
But actually not quite,
For Nathan, his moral conscience
Nagged away about wrong and right

Until the king repented
And pled to be washed white,
He wrote Ps. 51 as penance
Cause his life was such a fright.

So learn this lesson about bathing,
And outdoor hot tubs too
Don't let it all hang out
Or trouble will start to brew.

In an age of indoor plumbing,
There's no excuse for you,
Because always Someone's watching
To see if you'll be true.

BW3

9 comments:

Brianmpei said...

Funny, but I can't help feeling like the blame is falling on Bathsheba here when really a king ought to know when to look the other way.

Ben Witherington said...

Indeed, I would say a good deal of the blame should fall on David and his wandering eye.

SM said...

Here is something silly for you if you know the song Days of Elijah. This is a parody Paul McMullen and I wrote while in graduate school one afternoon. Feel free to remove it if you like :)

It is entitled “Days of Elisha.” No disrespect here - just references to several of the wacky stories of the Bible. Just put it to the tune of “Days of Elijah” and it will all make sense.

These are the days of Elisha,
Sending out bears to kill men.
And these are the days of that naughty,
Bathsheba, bathing, seducing David.
And these are the days of Hosea.
He had to marry a whore.
These are the days of your servant, Jonah,
who won’t be the voice of the Lord.

Chorus:
Behold they come, lots of bears with claws.
Woman on the roof, taking her clothes off.
Hosea’s kids, lots of awful names.
Jonah’s in a whale, it’s all insane!

These are the days of Methusaleh,
When am I going to die?
And these are the days of that strong man,
Samson, he lost his hair and his eyes.
And these are the days of Isaiah,
God told me to lay in the buff.
And these are the days of Moses’, kids,
Mom, why’d you cutt off my stuff?

Chorus
Behold they come, lots of bears with claws.
Woman on the roof, taking her clothes off.
Hosea’s kids, lots of awful names.
Jonah’s in a whale, it’s all insane!

Matt said...

Wrong gmail login there. That was me,

Matt

Jim Pemberton said...

I think both are well to blame. David should have been with his men at the battle instead of on his roof...

...and you know who he housed on his roof...

...and so did Bathsheba who could see the roof of the king from where she chose to recline disrobed.

Brian Davis said...

I thought that was pretty good! Hope all is well with you. All the Chattanooga folks say hello!

Ben Witherington said...

Hi Brian:

Greetings to all our friends at First Centenary in C town.

Blessings,

Ben W.

byron said...

Where should Bathsheba have been bathing? Was it usual to bathe on the roof? Was she being brazen? Or was it simply that David's palace gave him a vantage point denied to the rest of his subjects? Is Bathsheba to blame at all?

Not sure of the answers, but it seems some knowledge of architecture and culture might really affect how we read this story.

Ben Witherington said...

So far as I can tell people dıd not bathe obn roofs. They went to mıkvehs or water holes ın segregated groups

Ben