Wednesday, September 17, 2008

NEW WRITE IN CANDIDATE FOR PRESIDENT!



O.K. in the spirit of full disclosure and weighing all options, Bill Cosby has now decided to throw his hat in the ring in the Presidential race asa write-in candidate. Here is his platform. See what you think.



(1) 'Press 1 for English' is immediately banned. English is the official language; speak it or wait at the border until you can.

(2) We will immediately go into a two year isolationist posture to straighten out the country's attitude. NO imports, no exports.
We will use the 'Wal-Mart's policy, 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.'

(3) When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it.

(4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border. (six month tour) They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens.

(5) Social security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn't put nuttin in, you ain't getting nuttin out. The president nor any other politician will not be able to touch it.


(6) Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40 hour school week and the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade.

(7) Professional Athletes --Steroids - The FIRST time you check positive you're banned for life.

(8) Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method, the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There is no more life sentences. If convicted, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim; gun, knife, strangulation, etc.

(9) One export will be allowed; Wheat, The world needs to eat. A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil.

(10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask the American people if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision whether it's a worthy cause.

(11) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress.

(12) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc.

Sorry if I stepped on anyone's toes but a vote for me will get you better than what you have, and better than what you're gonna get. Thanks for listening, and remember to write in my name on the ballot in November.
God Bless America !!!!!!!!!!!

Bill Cosby!!!!!!!!

23 comments:

Ed Trefzger said...

I'm sorry to be the one to point this out since it's so good, but this is not by Bill Cosby: snopes.com.

ia said...

My choice is right here...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaxdUPNYj2s

Gary said...

From urbanlegends.about.com:

Falsely attributed. Celebrated African-American entertainer Bill Cosby has been known to speak forthrightly on a range of touchy social and political issues, including race relations in America and the need, as he sees it, for black people to concentrate on bettering themselves rather than blaming their problems on others. But Bill Cosby did not write the above piece, which focuses on matters he doesn't typically address, and surely misrepresents his views.

Morevover, Mr. Cosby has expressed neither the interest nor the intent to run for president in 2008.

The true author of the text -- which began circulating online in June 2008...but wasn't attributed to Bill Cosby until July -- remains unknown.

Bill said...

Sorry -- it wasn't Bill Cosby.

See http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/platform.asp

Mal said...

Hi Ben, as I'm sure you're aware, this is NOT genuine. It has also been attributed to George Carlin, and given his current er... existential cricumstances.... I don't think he'd be a very good President. Maybe I'm being a bigot about that though...

http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/platform.asp

Mal

Michael Kruse said...

#2 and #3 would be devastating for the poor around the world and it would significantly increase the cost of living in the U. S., particularly for the poor. Trade disproportionately lowers the costs of basic necessities versus consumer products. Eliminating trade is anti-poor.

Some of the other stuff is pretty good.

Ben Witherington said...

Boys you have way too much faith in snopes.com, but you're right, as it turns out, this is not by Cos.

BW3

James Pate said...

I don't like the protectionism, but the domestic economic policy sounds pretty good!

Gary said...

Hi Ben, you've mentioned your distrust of snopes before, but didn't really elaborate. Maybe you could clarify why you think it's not trustworthy? Certainly, I wouldn't take it as a sole source, but when anyone can make a list, slap George Carlin's, or Bill Cosby's or Garrison Keillor's name on it, don't we have a responsibility to verify it before posting it as fact?

Ben Witherington said...

I agree we should check things out, but I am simply telling you snopes is not the Bible, it makes mistakes, so use more than one such verifier.

BW3

J. Samuel Thomas said...

Uhh...
Is there a sense of humour allowed here?
Anyway...
Too bad it's not legit. He would have my vote.
I was just thinkin' the other day; Out of all of the 'technically' qualified people to run for the office of President of the united states, how in the world did we end up with the two that we got?!?!

No offence to anyone (necessarily)...

And no, I'm not going to bother getting into a political debate.
This is just A comment.

TheThinker said...

Awesome....if only the executive branch was vested with legislative power to do everything listed...

even if it was Bill...it would be bad government

Jc_Freak: said...

Well, I figured it wasn't Cos because I'm a big fan of his, and that sure didn't sound like it. However, I would definately vote for him.:) He's one of my heroes.

RevMike said...

Obviously Snopes is more reliable than you are. This piece is offensive and I am disappointed that you found it funny or inspiring or whatever you found it to be.

Ben Witherington said...

Hi Mike: I quite agree with you-- it is offensive, which is the whole point. This is intended as dark humor.

Some of the things being said by the legit candidates, are only marginally less offensive like--- lets spend another trillion dollars on wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and drill for more oil (which will produce no usable oil for some years to come) and keep right on ruining our economy and environment! Now that's offensive.

BW3

Mike Morrell said...

Yeah, I'm with RevMike in finding it very offensive. Perhaps you see it as irony, BW3, and I believe you, but clearly most of your comment-ers here do not. It is violent, callous, and jingoistic.

BTW, the equally-offensive things you say are being trumpeted by 'the candidates' (and I agree, these are equally offensive) are really only being said by one of the candidates - not that the other one is perfect, but I really think there are different framing stories at work in the two main presidential campaigns.

And BroJo, I'm shocked - you're not an Obama man?

Marc Axelrod said...

I agree with a couple of things, like raising taxes on goods imported into the USA if it will discourage outsourcing. And I agree with raising the price of a bushel of wheat.

Marine Chaplain said...

Nice to see you are back to blogging about politics. :)

J. Samuel Thomas said...

Mike, I thought you knew me better than that!

I'm typically not a 'bandwagon' kind of guy.

Honestly, I haven't been following the sideshow all that closely, so in a way, I kinda feel like I can't make a very thoughtful decision on who should be prez.

IMHO, and I realize that this is a common saying, and besides the fact the he just seems to be talking a bunch of hype,I think that it's a mistake to entrust the care of the poor to the government, which is something that Oby seems to be advocating.

Why do that to the church?
As if we haven't been ruined enough already....

Tom 1st said...

wow - some people on this blog need to lighten up!

It's all in good fun. Of course no sane person likes some of these ideas - but that's why it's so funny - it's purposeful insanity!

AG said...

hi ben, mate everyone on this post does not get offended so easily, i for one find it quite humourous and see the 'dark humour' of it. If only many of us would get more offended at the injustices that are currently going on in the world rather than Ben witheringtons blog hmmmm...what a different world it would be hey?
Peace

Brian said...

I wasn't offended. I say "let's get to work on it!" Extreme situations call for extreme measures...

TFC said...

Eliminating "press one for English, press 2 for Spanish" makes perfect sense. More and more jobs are being closed to non-bilinguals, especially federal jobs, considered to be high paying and secure because the non-English speaking population is expanding far faster than any other race in America, documented everywhere as the target market. It's always been about money! Our education system is inundated with children of illegals because no one is allowed to ask, and the middle class working tax payers foot the bill!(The latest joke ciruclating the internet talks of a foreigner entering America, wanting to thank an American for allowing him entry, only to run into non American after non American. When he inquires of where the Americans are, the response, resoundingly, AT WORK!)
Stopping importing may have little effect on the US. It would force us to find other means.. We used to be the leader in R&D, maybe this would force us to be again... There is so much hype about what we need to import, why is it we export 40% of our own wheat production and then buy 7% of Canada's wheat production. 2008 records show America produced 95% of the wheat it consumed, exported 40% (ave about 11% of the world's wheat per year) and purchased the remaining 5% from Canada. We export fruit out of California, some of the best oranges I ever tasted grew in a grove across the street from my home, but you couldn't buy them, they were exported to Japan. We got our oranges from Florida. Why? Because the growers make more money if they export. How much would we save if we didn't have to pay for shipping all over the world? While it may not be realistic to stop importing all goods, we could certainly create more jobs here if we decreased the amount of importing. The politics and BIG BUSINESS make it impossible to know just how dependent we HAVE to be on other countries, but we probably would do ok.
The retired military at the border idea sounds great. They are trained in combat and considering the drug wars going on along the US/Mexico borders, it sounds like just what we need. Most conservative Americans would like to put a stop to our country being overrun by illegals, the retired military would likely not be opposed to enforcing our borders, and they wouldn't see it as slavery either, just doing their duty.
Try to go to Mexico and sign up for their Social Security... See how many numbers you call direct you to press anything to hear the message in English! HAH! It is documented that illegals obtain SSN numbers, then return to Mexico. They secure PO boxes in US border towns and have their checks delivered there. They come across the border once a month to pick them up or have a family member forward them. They have busted rings in California for providing the illegals SSN's. This is real!
Requiring people to get an education while on welfare is perfectly plausible. Welfare is not disability, and paying more for each child a recipient has certainly doesn't discourage them from having an entire baseball team, but hey that's American, right? When individuals show up to apply for SSA benefits, they work the system, coming in with a pound of gold around their necks, driving Mercedes, BMW or some other high end import. When they are turned down due to assets, they wise up, and go to a different office and apply again, this time, they might park around the corner and suddenly their jewelry is missing. They figure out how to beat the system because that is what they are best at. And then those bilingual government workers that got those cush government jobs don't bother to check the systen to see why they were turned down the last time. The applicant walks out with a little strut in his gait, or is that to keep up his pants!
The steroids thing, well, eventually the individual taking them pays the ultimate price. Let the law of natural consequences take care of it!
Not sure about the crime thing... If our judicial system were a little more reliable, maybe, but when, for instance, you have corrupt pharmaceuticals marketing vaccines that kill children resulting in parents and caregivers going to jail for causing shaken baby syndrome, when it is really the nasty side effects of those killer vaccines...(some of which could soon be mandated by our government) Once again, it's about the money, and not about the citizens. When we can somehow perfect our judicial system, maybe we can implement such harsh measures, but not very likely.
Unfortunately, we do not produce enough of the world demand for wheat to make a difference, but if we quit buying oil from the Middle East, that would cripple their oil trade market. We are the consumers, we control the market. We import about 67% of our oil. We get 32% of our oil from Canada and Mexico. We get another 18% from misc. countries, and 17% from the Middle East. It appears we provide 33% of our own. Let’s get a bean counter to crunch these numbers because it seems we are not as dependent on the Middle East as the Media would have us believe.
As for foreign aide, well, how can we help others when we can’t even help ourselves? We need to get back on our feet so we can once again help others, but for now, foreign aide needs to stop!
The Pledge of Allegiance and National Anthem represent what America is about, and what we are about is why people come here. If they are not willing to pledge allegiance, they can go back where they came from. That is their choice.