Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Reflections on Growing Old

The following are comments by men and women over 50 on their creeping decrepitude. As my English Prof at Carolina once said--- 'there are days after 40 when you realize your body is your mortal enemy.'

The nice thing about growing senility is you can hide your own Easter eggs, and you can also pray the senility prayer---

'Lord grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.'

'My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.'

'Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get up again.'

'Don't think of it as hot flashes, think of it as your inner child playing with matches.'

'Its scary when your stomnach starts making the same noises as your coffee maker.'

'The elderly widow was approached by the undertaker with the question: 'How old was your husband when he died?' She replied 'He was 98, two years older than me.' She then paused and added :' Its hardly worth my going home now is it?'

The elderly gentleman said--- 'I have had bypass surgery, am largely deaf, and have both prostate issues and old age diabetes, and take about 40 different medicines that give me dizzy spells, but thank God I still have my driver's license!'

'These days about half the stuff in my grocery cart says 'For fast relief.'

An elderly widower asked the preacher to arrange to have him be cremated when he died, and have his ashes scattered over Walmart. When the preacher asked why the reply was 'This way I know my offspring will visit me twice a week.'

A news reporter interviewed an 104 year old lady about what was the best thing about being 104. Her reply was 'There's no peer pressure.'


PamBG said...

Now that one I can laugh at.

I rarely feel old inside myself, but I've been feeling a bit old these last few hours for some reason.

Michael Kruse said...

My dad is fond of saying, "As I get older I find myself asking more and more often, 'What am I here for?' For instatnce, I walk into the kitchen and say 'What am I here for?' I walk into the garage and say 'What am I hear for?' ....

I am not fifty yet but all too many of the items on the list are becoming true of me.

Thanks for a fun post.

Dan McGowan said...

I am right around the corner from 50... I can see the sign just up ahead... it's swinging back and forth in the breeze... or my eyes are getting weaker - one or the other... it's good we can laugh at this "getting older" thing... cuz sometimes it kinda sucks... thanks for perking us up a bit!

Marc Axelrod said...

Also, I wanted to say that these are great! I'll have to pass them on to my friends.

Questing Parson said...

I'm feeling a lot better about ... about my age now. I hope to read more of your ... ahhh ... ahhh. Who are you?

see-through faith said...

loved the last one :)

Greg said...

We have an older gentleman at our church that has a nice take on it:

"At my age, I don't carry a grudge...I can't waste the brain space."

Also, I like to look at it another way:

As you age, beauty fades and you begin making funny noises and funny smells. But, God knows what he's doing....your eyesight fades and so do your senses of hearing and smell. :-D