Saturday, November 10, 2007

Things to Ponder

My sister Laura gets full credit for sending me these things to ponder..... If none of them produces a smile, then you need to go eat a few prunes.

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Why exactly is it that we drive on the parkway, and park on the drive way?

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its rear end."

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's going to look up there anyway?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Why does it say 'concentrate' on the side of the orange juice can, if they really don't want you to know what they've put in there?

Why isn't 'jumbo shrimp' widely recognized as an oxymoron?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?


Marc Axelrod said...

Just happened to be eating dinner when I read that one liner about the chicken and what comes out ....

Ben Witherington said...

Sorry Marc, didn't mean to spoil supper.


Allan R. Bevere said...

These are great!

I always wondered how Phoenix AZ was founded. I mean who stopped the wagon train in the middle of the desert and said, "This looks like a great place to start a town!"